When consulting with couples about their wedding, I often request that they be selfish about their wants and needs. This is especially important in the weeks and months leading up to the wedding itself. Couples face pressure to make last minute changes. They sometimes focus on the wants and needs of others, on a day that should be focused on the couple getting married. Gratitude is not separate from focusing on the couple, instead, the two are closely linked.

Here is a quick summary of who needs your gratitude, and how you can do it right:

Your Wedding Party

Your wedding party is often comprised of your closest friends, your siblings, cousins, or perhaps new members from your spouses family. These folks have been there for you since long before you were engaged, and they are there to support you on your wedding day.

It is appropriate to provide gifts at a few different points: when you ask them to be part of your wedding party, at the rehearsal dinner, and of course after the wedding in the form of a thank you note at the very least!

While the notes do not need to be anything unique, I recommend that couples put some thought into how they can recognize their wedding party with unique and valuable gifts. Remember that valuable does not have to mean expensive, but spending some money on these VIPs should be part of your wedding planning.

For my own wedding I got each of my groomsmen a knife with their name engraved on the handle for when I asked them to be part of the party.

At the rehearsal dinner I gifted them each a memento that was personalized to them (dart boards, journals, lego batmobile, etc). Each of my six groomsmen also got a whisky glass. We took a few minutes out of our night to toast together – for their friendship, and in excitement for the wedding to come.

If you are looking for custom gifts, there are hundreds and hundreds of ideas, here are a few:

Parents and/or Close Family

Whether they gave you life, made your life better, or supported you in other ways, recognizing your parents, grandparents, and other close family members is an important step in showing gratitude on your wedding day.

I can’t offer much advice on how to best recognize these contributions to your life. These relationships are far too unique for a one size fits all set of rules. Whatever you do, whether a gift, a letter, a thank you, or otherwise – make sure that those who have helped get you to this important day are properly thanked.

Guests

Whether your wedding has five or five hundred people in attendance, your guests have traveled from near and far to share in this celebration with you. They deserve your attention and love both on and after your wedding day!

You will have a list of responsibilities and scheduled places to be throughout the day of your wedding. Be sure to add table visits to your list. If possible, both you and your spouse should visit every table. Try to personally speak with as many of your wedding guests as possible.

If your wedding is too large (or timing is limited) it is acceptable to divide and conquer.

After the wedding, Thank You cards are essential! I recommend that you steer away from postcards. Instead, take the extra time to write thank you notes in a card format. This is not overly expensive. This is the card that we ended up using for our wedding. It is one of our favorite styles for thank you’s.

Some say you have a full year to send thank you cards – I recommend sending them within 6 months. That should be ample time to order cards, write meaningful notes, and send them!

This link will give you a 25% discount on your card order.

Vendors

Vendors are the machine behind every successful wedding. Your officiant, videographer, photographer, DJ, catering provider, they are all important! Lets be real, the best ways to reward great vendors are with MONEY and REVIEWS.

When considering whether to tip a vendor, make sure you understand the agreement or contract. Is gratuity already included? If so, skip the cash. If a vendor was not very good – tip less or not at all. Some couples find it easiest to set a tip budget up front, then divide it up based on performance. While tipping is not required for most vendors, it can be an important way to show your gratitude.

More important than money, is helping your vendors find new business. Leaving them great reviews is essential. For many platforms, reviews are the single biggest deciding factor when considering a vendor. Think back to when you were looking for vendors, good reviews helped you find these amazing individuals!

Spouse

Your wedding day is the first day of the rest of your life. In giving gratitude you share in grace with all those present. Sharing in grace lays a mutually beneficial groundwork for the rest of your life.

Some of the gifts that I have seen treasured between couples or years to come have been letters, personalized thoughtful gifts, and gifts that keep on giving. These gifts, or the expression of gratitude other than gifts, are highly personal. I cannot recommend too many specifics, but I would encourage you to spend some time reflecting on what your spouse will value for years, rather than following the current popular trend.

If you want the most rewarding day for you and your spouse, give and receive grace and gratitude. You will be better off for it.

Gratitude Kickstarts Your Marriage

There will always be so many people to thank and appreciate on your wedding day. It is okay to be selfish when deciding the details for your wedding. It is also essential to properly recognize those who helped get you to that moment. Showing gratitude is an important part of laying a foundation for a successful marriage.

Be generous, be loving, and take time to reflect. This is an important day!

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